10.01.2025

“A 100% true story about Text Scams, Skincare, and Steven Spielberg.

1-747-XXX-XXXX: Hey, Kevin, what time are we going to play golf tomorrow?

1-216-XXX-XXXX: Assuming this isn’t spam, you’ve got the wrong number.

1-747: Sorry, I dialed the wrong number. I hope I didn’t bother you.

1-216: No worries. My apologies if my response came off as being rude. I’m inundated daily with spam texts and some are very clever. I hope you find your friend. Enjoy your game.

1-747: Thank you. If you’re near Beverly Hills in Los Angeles, you’re welcome to join us. Where are you from?

1-216: Midwest. I hear BH is beautiful. Enjoy.

1-747: What a coincidence! I visited Wichita and Topeka last month to meet business partners. I wonder how far you are from these cities. I should treat you to a cup of coffee to express my apologies.

1-216: I’m a long stretch from Kansas, but thanks. Nice offer, not necessary.

1-747: From your words, I can tell you are a kind and friendly person, and your life must be wonderful.  I own a skincare company, so I travel a lot. My name is Jack, I’m 44. How about you?

1-216: Well, I’m old enough to be your mom. Anyway, thanks for making my day.

1-747: Dear Young at Heart. I believe that making friends shouldn’t be influenced by marital status or age. Age is just a number. I think maintaining a positive and optimistic attitude is what truly matters – and you possess that quality. In friendship, what’s more important is whether there’s mutual understanding and whether the other person has qualities worth learning from. I enjoy interacting with people older than me because they are more mature and steady with rich life experiences. Their perspectives on things are often unique and I can learn a lot from them. This makes me even more curious about you. I wonder what it is that draws me to you, and I want to figure it out.

1-216: It’s a shame every online interaction comes with suspicion. I’d love to believe this was serendipity, but I don’t. Let’s appreciate it for what it is. If you’re real, my loss. If you’re a scam, I’m cutting my losses. You won’t hear from me again.

BLOCK CALLER.

So, what do you think? Did I miss an opportunity to meet my AI soulmate, or did I just save my 401K from swirling down the digital toilet of cyberspace?

I’m 100% convinced this is an AI generated scam, but an acquaintance of mine insists this is a missed opportunity and that if I were more adventurous, Jack and I could be winging our way to Paris by the end of the month. (Anyone who knows me, also knows I rarely, if ever "wing" anything that hasn't been, first and foremost, meticulously organized and analyzed via an Excel spreadsheet.)

Okay, so full disclosure:

1. My brother was the victim of a scam. It severely impacted his life, as well as mine. So yes, every unknown number is suspicious.

2. As a self-published author, I receive at least five scam pitches a week. The most recent was from a "PR agent" who insisted Steven Spielberg (yes, that Steven Spielberg) was interested in making a movie of one of my short stories. All I needed to do was send him (the agent) $8,000.00 so he could negotiate with the director on my behalf.

3. Kansans I know would not appreciate being called Midwesterners. Kansans I went to school with proudly described themselves as “plain folks from the Great Plains.”

4. Last, who starts a text to a complete stranger with “Dear Young at Heart?

Seriously, AI-generated Jack: Do better.

Coming soon — an essay on another text I received that began like this:

1-418-XXX-XXXX: We’re having a barbeque and some wine tonight. Want to come over? 1-216-XXX-XXXX: You’re serving wine with barbeque?

“Rikki Don’t Lose That Number,” written and performed by Steely Dan, from the album Pretzel Logic (ABC Records, 1974).